


i cant help falling in love with you

by renmoojunskz



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-04 23:09:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 5,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17313617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renmoojunskz/pseuds/renmoojunskz
Summary: chan and changbin have been best friends for years and even though chan is older, changbin was always the one protecting him and helping him. chan hasn't had the best life and he still doesn't have it well off but as he starts his senior year in college and changbin starts his junior year, he realizes something is happening. he's falling in love with his best friend. and his best friend already has a girlfriend.





	1. introduction

"changbin! are you home?" chan calls, closing the door to their shared apartment.

"yeah! i'm editing!"

chan finds changbin on his bed editing music and plops next to him.

changbin look at him for a second. "how was your dads?"

"the usual stuff." chan sighs, rolling to put his head in changbin's lap, staring up at him. "he didn't hit me or anything this time."

changbin hums lightly, closing his laptop.

he threads his fingers through chan's hair, smiling.

chan lets his eyes close. "i'm just tired. can i sleep here tonight??"

changbin hums again. "you usually do anyway."

chan cuddles up to him and eventually they adjust around so they're cuddling.

and that's how it was.

chan and changbin had been best friends for years.

and it was always chan initiating the affection, always changbin leaving first.

chan isn't sure how he fell in love with changbin but he did.

and he regrets it.

especially as he watches the boy he loves feed his girlfriend and laugh the next morning.

"good morning, chan," she greets him, all smiles.

it's not like chan didn't like her, she was nice and pretty. 

but she seemed controlling and she was the school slut in high school.

she had been with changbin for 2 years now.

"hello, yeonji." he smiles in return.

changbin slaps his stomach as he passes, making him grunt. "morning dickhead."

chan pushes the back of his head. "i'm older than you."

changbin rolls his eyes. "yeah but who acts older?"

chan snarls and pours himself some orange juice.

"we are going out today i'll see you later." 

and like that, hes gone.

chan sighs.

he was alone a lot since they got together.

he was pretty used to it by now.


	2. arguements

"chan?"

the front door opens later than usual a few nights later.

chan was awake, on the couch. "yeah?"

changbin sighs, plopping on the couch next to him. "i thought you would be asleep."

chan shakes his head and watches intently as changbin leans over and places his head in his lap.

he gets comfortable on chan's lap and sighs.

chan hesitates, hands hovering.

eventually, he threads his fingers through changbin's hair and massages gently.

changbin lets out a sigh and relaxes.

"what happened?"

"yeonji and i argued again,"

chan's heart pounds. "about what?"

"she said i spend too much time with you and not enough with her. that i act like you're more important than her. the usual."

"maybe you do... spend too much time with me." 

changbin rolls too look up at him, "you're my best friend chan. i'm not going to give you up because of my girlfriend. she can suck it up."

chan sighs. "yeah but-"

"i'm tired. can i sleep in your room tonight?"

chan blinks down at him. "you want to?"

it was always chan going to changbin's or chan telling changbin to come to his.

never changbin asking.

"i just asked didn't i?"

"i mean yeah." chan clears his throat. "yeah you can."

changbin sits up and rushes into chan's room.

when chan gets there, changbin is already down to his underwear and pulling chan's shirt over his head.

chan smiles at the sight and changes as well, climbing in with changbin after turning the light out.

changbin didn't usually like to cuddle. 

only every once in a while.

so chan turns his back to him and lets his eyes close.

he jumps when a pair of strong arms squirm their way around his waist and pull him back.

his back is flush with changbin's chest and his heart pounds.

changbin rubs his cheek on chan's shoulder and sighs.

"good night, chan,"

chan gulps. "good night."


	3. sad

chan picks at his food that changbin made, having only taken one bite before shoving the plate away.

"you okay?" 

chan glances at changbin as he chews. "yeah. not hungry."

"you didn't eat lunch either." changbin sets his cup down. "are you sure you're okay?"

"my dad called last night when you were out with yeonji." chan whispers.

changbin quirks an eyebrow. "what did he want?" 

chan shrugs and goes to speak but changbin's phone rings.

changbin scrambles to answer. "hello? oh hey babe... yeah no i'm just finishing dinner... uhmm." he glances at chan who just shakes his head. "yeah i can come over.. i'll leave soon... love you too.. bye." 

changbin stands and takes chan and his plates and cleans them off before placing them in the dish washer.

he pulls his shoes on and grabs his keys, stopping behind chan. "i'm sorry chan." 

chan sighs and stands, trying to disappear but changbin stops him. 

"chan really.. sleep in my bed tonight okay? i'm not sure when i'll be home.." changbin's eyebrows furrow as chan avoids eye contact. "i'm sorry."

"just go." chan shoves past him and slams the door to changbins room.

he hears shuffling then the front door open and close. then changbin's car starts and hes gone.

chan curls up in changbin's blankets, drowned in the scent of him, and let's himself cry.

"pathetic." he mumbles. "the only friend i have i'm in love with and he has a girlfriend... so pathetic." chan sobs.

he ends up crying himself to sleep and doesn't even squirm when changbin returns at 2am and climbs in with him, wrapping his arms around his skinny body and kissing his shoulder.

"i'm here, chan. i'm sorry." changbin whispers.

chan didn't wake up, simply turning and burying his face in changbin's chest.

changbin felt bad. 

if he didnt to yeonji, she l would have gotten mad, but he left his best friend. and now hes upset. 

changbin holds him and sighs, letting himself crying just a little.

he sniffs and relaxes.

"im sorry." he whispers again.


	4. argue

"i'm not happy with you, changbin." yeonji huffs

chan chews his cereal as the two argue in the other room.

he sighs.

"i didn't do anything!"

"you left after we fucked! like you just left!! where did you go?!" 

"i came back home!!" changbin yells. "why do i have to stay?!"

"because thats the nice thing to do?! i can't believe you just asked that!! why would you go home?!"

"chan needed me!!!! i left him upset and crying because you fucking called! i was worried!"

"again?! really?! you leave me for him again?! he's so pathetic and annoying!!! he's always up your ass i don't fucking understand why you deal with him!!" 

"you fucking shut your mouth! he's my best friend he's been through a lot and im all he has! how could you say that?!"

chan flinches when he hears the slap.

"did you just slap me!?" changbin screams. "get the fuck out!!! get out!!!" 

chan flinches again as the door slams.

he had forgotten his cereal and stood, ready to help if needed.

changbin steps into the room and groans before slamming his fist against the wall and letting out a yell. "fucking hell!"

although chan is two years older and a little taller, he cowers away and shuffles back.

changbin looks at him and his shoulders slump. "chan.."

he pulls chan into a hug and rocks them softly. 

"i'm sorry." chan whispers.

"for what?"

"hurting your relationship.." chan sniffles, rubbing his face into changbins shoulder.

"hey you didn't do anything shes just..." changbin sighs. "let's go sit yeah?" 

"can we lay together...?" chan whispers.

"sure." 

they settle onto the couch and chan snuggles into his side, holding his waist and tangling their legs.

changbin wraps his arms around him and chan grabs his hand. "your knuckles.."

they were red and swollen, turning purple.

"they're fine. i'm kind of tired lets take a nap." changbin mumbles.

the way he gripped chans hip and kissed his forehead makes chan blush really hard.

chan shifts around and mumbles nothing and changbin coughs softly before moving his hand.

chan relaxes more and nuzzles impossibly closer to his best friend.


	5. gone

"i think we should stop being friends." chan mumbles, trying to keep his voice steady.

it was hard to do that when changbin's hands were under his shirt rubbing his stomach and he was leaning back into his chest.

"i have my hands up your shirt and you're telling me this now?" changbin laughs. "nice joke." 

"i'm not kidding." 

changbin goes silent and his hands still.

"changbin?" 

"i'm the only person you have. are you stupid?" 

chan gulps. "i'm ruining your life."

"you are not." changbin scoffs. "you're my best friend and i love you." 

that hurt chan so much.

but he swallows his tears and replies, "i'm ruining your relationship. i'm pathetic and sad and broken and i'm making your life hard. i'm sorry." 

"chan hyung." he doesn't ever call chan hyung. "what yeonji said wasn't true okay? she was being a bitch. don't listen to that. you shouldn't be by yourself or with your dad. you need to be here with me." changbin sighs, fingers rubbing again. "you make me happy hyung. you're my best friend. i don't have any other friends. i just have you and yeonji." 

"but you're going to forgive her?"

changbin sighs. "yeah." 

"okay." chan whispers.

"if you want me to break up with her i will." 

"why does my opinion matter?" chan snaps.

changbin rubs his forehead on chans shoulder and sighs. "because you're my best friend."

"i don't like her but if youre happy i'm okay."

changbin hesitates. "yeah." 

"are we okay now?"

"i should be asking you that mr. 'we shouldn't be friends anymore'." changbin laughs.

"yeah. we are okay."


	6. a little off

"you okay?" 

chan clears his throat and stands. "tired." 

"it's only 5-"

"goodnight." 

as chan goes through the living room, yeonji steps in. "hi chan!"

chab grunts at her and stomps upstairs.

she had been over everyday the past month since changbin forgave her. 

chan never got time with him anymore.

he didn't want to be whiny or needy but he needs him. he really does.

he changes into a plain shirt and his underwear and climbs under his covers and huffs.

he lays there wide awake for hours just waiting for the inevitable sounds of sex down the hall.

but they never come.

chan hears a car start and sighs. changbin must've went with her this time.

he relaxes and squirms a bit, determined to sleep, when the door opens.

"chan?" changbin asks quietly. "are you awake?"

changbin closes the door and strides to the bed. chan feels the bed dip when he sits and then his body alights when his hand finds its way under the covers to chan.

he feels changbins slide under with him and pull him back so they're spooning.

"changbin." chan whispers.

"what's wrong?" 

"nothing." 

changbin buries his nose in his neck and sighs. "i know that's not true." 

"i don't want to cuddle." 

changbin only tightens his grip and tangles their legs. "you're crying." 

"i don't want you to touch me." 

but changbin knows what he is doing so he slides his hands under his shirt and chan lets out a shaky sob. "chan what's wrong? talk to me.." 

chan heaves a breath. "i'm losing you. you're all i have and i'm losing you." 

"what? no you are not." 

"when was the last time we had dinner together or had a night for us?" he knew he sounded like a jealous boyfriend but he didn't care.

"i'm sorry... yeonji is being really clingy." 

"i know." 

"i'll make time for you." 

"then you'll upset her more."

"i care about you more than her." his words makes chans heart leap and they shouldn't. he didn't mean it that way. he's straight.

"she's your girlfriend."

changbin sighs and squeezes him. "you're more important." 

chan sniffs and squirms away, standing. "i think you should go to yeonjis tonight." 

changbin stares up at him as he straightens his shirt and wipes his cheeks. "what?" 

"i don't want to cuddle i don't want to touch you i dont want to be near you right now please leave me alone." 

"are you having a slip?" changbins voice was dangerous and low.

chan stares at his feet "yeah." 

"then i'm not leaving you. come back and lay down i'll help you get through it." 

chans "slips" are when his depression falls. he gets a little off and sad. more snappy and more likely to... do something stupid. 

chan crumbles. "i'm sorry." 

changbin stands and rubs his arms. "i know. i know."

chan falls into his chest and cries harshly. changbin rubs his back and rocks him softly. 

"it's okay it's okay." 

they gently lay down and changbin lets chan curl into him.

 

-

 

changbin is awake long before chan who wakes up around noon and when he does he squints and lifts his head from changbins chest.

"you're awake. sleep well?" 

chan wets his lips and clears his throat before letting his head fall back down. "yeah. best i've had in a month." 

changbin squeezes his waist. "are you hungry? i'll make lunch." 

"in a little while. let's stay in bed for a bit." 

changbin shrugs and lets his rest. "feeling better...?" 

chan sighs "no." 

changbin sighs too.

eventually they get up and changbin makes lunch and they eat.

"will you eat more than two bites please?" changbin sighs. 

chan takes another bite and chews slowly.

"you've lost a lot of weight." 

chan shrugs.

"chan. look at me." he does. "eat. i'm worried."

its quiet as chan eats slowly.

"is yeonji coming?" 

"later." changbin nods.

chan huffs through his nose and pushes his plate back. "i'll retreat to my room for the day then."

"chan please don't-"

"will you let me go just for today? i gave you the satisfaction of letting you touch me when you know it doesn't help anything in my slips. let me be alone." chan snaps. "and chan hyung. not just chan." 

changbin blinks at him and then chan disappears.


	7. more arguing

"you're being so overbearing!!" 

"overbearing?! i love you changbin!!" 

chan stands awkwardly on the side as the two go at each others throats.

"you're here all day everyday!! you won't let me talk to other people and you hate my best friend because you think i'm cheating on you with him when i'm pretty sure you're the one cheating!!" changbins neck and face were red from screaming.

chan doesn't remember how the arguement started.

"how dare you accuse me of that!!" she takes a fistful of his shirt and chan panicks.

he pushes between them and pulls her hand off. "stop," 

he hears the slap before he feels it.

then he's on the couch and changbin grabs her arm and drags her to the door.

"get the fuck out. this is over. for good." he slams the door and turns back to chan who sits on the couch holding his reddening cheek. "are you okay?"

chan doesnt know he's crying until changbin wipes the tears.

"chan hyung." 

"why did you kick her out?" 

"she hit you."

chan looks at him, sniffing. changbin looks at his red cheek and gently brushes his fingers over it. 

"chan. you're okay."

those words make chan sink against him. "i'm okay."

changbin pulls him onto his lap and holds him there. 

"thank you changbin."


	8. weird

changbin had been acting weird since the breakup.

clingier.

he would climb in with chan at night and cuddle up to him. he would lay on him on the couch and always be touching him and it was strange.

like now. 

changbin had sat down next to him and tugged on him. he pulled chan to lay across his lap so he could play with his hair.

he had been acting so strange.

"you good?" 

changbin glances down at him. "yeah." 

"are you sure? you've been acting weird." 

changbin's next words shock chan.

"i think i'm bisexual." 

chan gapes at him and sits up. "what?" 

changbin panicks. "shit i'm sorry if that's weird for you we can stay away from each other i don't want to make you uncomfortable i know you're straight i'm sorry i just thought you should know."

"you think i'm straight? changbin you're stupid. im literally so gay."

changbin blinks. "wait seriously?"

"i mean yeah."

"oh."

"i support you. i always will." chan settles back down and turns to face him.

changbin's hands find his hair again and chan slowly falls asleep as he plays with his hair.

 

-

 

when he wakes up he is surrounded by changbin.

changbin under him and the smell of changbin all around him.

chan glances up at him. he's still asleep. it's dark outside and he glances to see it's only 3am.

did changbin bring him here? 

he stares at changbins sleeping face. he was so pretty.

chan doesn't fight the urge to run his finger tips over his cheek. 

he sighs. he hates this.

he hates being in love with him. but maybe there's a spark of hope.

changbin exhales and shifts, his hands sliding under chans shirt and holding him down on him harder.

chan blushes and buries his face in his neck. 

changbin lets a low groan out before chan hears. "chan?" 

chan grips his shirt. "yeah?" 

"nothing." changbin whispers.

chan lifts his head and looks at him. "did i wake-"

chan gasps and his body sets on fire the second changbin kisses him.

chans toes curl and he presses back.

changbin pulls away and stares at him. "i'm so-"

chan kisses him harder and his skin tingles where changbin's hands roam his back.

changbins moves his lips and chan groans. changbin pushes him up so he's sitting on his lap and they're making out.

chan presses his chest to changbins and bites his lip.

this is everything he ever wanted.

and it felt so, so good.

changbins hands grip his hips hard and he pulls away and leans his forehead to chans. 

chans breathing was shaky and he clutches changbin's shirt, eyes screwed shut.

hope.

but then it shatters. 

"that was a mistake."


	9. mistake

chan gapes at changbin. "what?"

"that wasn't... it wasn't right. get off." 

changbin all but shoves chan off his lap and chan scrambles to his feet.

"are you kidding?"

"i want you to leave me alone. go to your room." changbin snaps.

chan doesn't try to hide his tears and he knows changbins sees them as he rushes away.

chan doesn't sleep the rest of the night.

 

-

 

changbin is making breakfast shirtless the next morning.

changbin glances at chan's grumpy face. "i'm making bacon."

"yup. not hungry." 

chan turns and storms back to his room, slamming the door again.

he hears clattering dishes and then quiet until a knock sounds.

"chan? i brought you breakfast..."

chan glances. "i won't eat it."

"i'll leave it anyway..."

changbin doesn't leave after setting the food on the bedside table.

"go away." 

"chan... it was a mistake we can't let it ruin our friendship. it didn't mean anything-"

"to you."

"what?"

chan makes intense eye contact. "it didn't mean anything to you." 

they stare for a minute before changbin breaks the contact. "do you-"

"i'm in love with you."

changbin turns on his heel and leaves at those words. chan isn't sad. he's angry. yet he cries.


	10. time

a week.

a week since chan and changbin have kissed.

a week since they've talked.

a week since yeonji appeared again.

and chan was leaving.

his dad called.

his dad and him... they weren't the closest. but hes sick so chan has to him although he made chan's life hell. 

and even though he is dying, he's still making it hell.

chan has no intention telling changbin where hes going or when he will be back.

but changbin stops him at the bottom of the stairs.

"where are you going?" his voice wasn't mad. it was worried. "are you moving out?"

"no,"

"is it..." changbin tries to touch him. "is it your dad?"

"it's none of your business."

changbin clenches his jaw as chan pushes past him. "it is your dad."

"so what?"

"don't go."

chan glares. "what's it to you?"

"i don't want you with him even if he's sick he will...he will do something i know it." changbin begs.

"i don't care."

"i care."

"go fuck your girlfriend." chan spits. "i'll move out when i get back."

changbin's face falls and his shoulders slump. "please don't..."

"why do you fucking care? i'm going to be late. bye."

chan slams the door before changbin can even reply.

 

-

 

it's 3am a week later when chan comes back, crying and in pain.

he slings his suitcases into the living room and slowly makes his way up to his room. his phone vibrates and its a text from changbin

"come to my room i know you need it."

chan cries silently as he pulls his shirt off and his pants and just gives in, trailing to changbin's room in his underwear.

he stands by the bed for a second.

then he climbs in and he immediately sobs as changbin's smell fills his nose.

his body shakes and his throat hurts as he cries and he turns away from changbin, hoping he would let him just sleep without being bothered. 

but he should have known better.

changbin's arms wrap around him and he trails gentle kisses across his shoulder and rubs his stomach. "you're safe and i'm right here. he can't hurt you." 

chan turns into his chest and cries harder.

it felt good to be in changbin's arms.

 

-

 

"are you really in love with me?"

"yea." chan shrugs. "i'm going to start packing."

"i don't... i don't feel that way towards you..." changbin whispers.

"that's why i'm packing."

"but i don't want you to go."

"i don't care! i can't stay here when i'm in love with you!"

"stop getting angry with me!" changbin snaps back.

"i'm in love with you and you know it and leading me on!! what the fuck do you mean don't get angry?!" his voice was raised now.

"i'm not leading you on!!" changbin yells. 

"kissing me and being all sweet and nice but fucking yeonji like i don't exist!!!" chan didn't know he was crying as he screamed but he felt the tears.

"i'm not trying to hurt you!"

"fuck you." chan spits. "i don't care what you mean to do. you're hurting me." chan sobs. "and i can't do this. my dad is dying and he abuses me. you're my only friend and i'm in love with you. you're with that fucking whore and you're hurting me. my depression is shit my anxiety is shit i can't do this changbin! i can't fucking do this! it hurts so much! i'm so weak and i can't do this!!" 

"chan i'm sorry. i'm really sorry. i'm so fucking sorry. but please don't go. please don't. i don't want you to go. you have to stay so i can help you. i'll push away yeonji for real. i'll fix this i promise. we can figure it out." changbin rubs chan's arms.

"i can't let you lead me on anymore.." chan sniffs.

"i won't i promise." but his words contradict his actions as he leans and pecks chan's lips.

chan steps back. "no you can't do that." 

changbin sighs. "i'm sorry. i'm trying to figure myself out. i don't know how i feel or what to do. i'm so confused and i'm sorry chan."

"i love you changbin and i know that. but i'm not going to let you use me to figure out if you're bisexual or not."

"i know i'm bisexual chan." changbin's voice was stern. "i'm trying to figure out my feelings for you."

chan blinks at him. "i'm not helping you do that. you need to figure it out by yourself." 

changbin groans. "it's so hard! chan i've never liked a guy before i don't know how it feels or how to tell and i'm trying to hard because i'm pretty sure i've been in love with you for so fucking long but i didn't know and i still don't know and i'm still trying to figure it out so please just help me out here!"

chan sniffs. "how do you want me to do that?"

changbin takes a breath. "do everything you want to do with me."

"i'm sorry?"

"kiss me, touch me. whatever you've wanted to do, do it. i just need to know."

with a sigh chan grabs his shoulders and kisses him. 

changbin completely melts into it and grabs chan's hips, pulling their bodies together.

chan's whole body tingles as their lips move and its so warm.

so warm and it tastes like peaches.

chan hands lace through changbin's hair and his shivers when changbin's hands slide under his shirt.

their breaths mingle and chan's body shakes and it feels so fucking good.

chan pulls away but changbin chases his lips and kisses him again.

chan turns his head away and then buries his face in changbin's neck, his breath shaky.

"i wasn't done." changbin whispers.

"i need a bit. my heart is weak."

changbin thumbs as chan's hipbones and chan's body trembles. "are you okay?"

"overwhelmed."

changbin sighs. "am i supposed to feel like i'm on fire? like my whole body is weak? should my heart be beating so fast?"

"that depends. do you want to be in love with me?"

"yes."

"then yes that's how you should feel."

 

-

 

it was weird.

it was weird doing things with changbin that he had always wanted to do.

it was so weird to be making himself lunch and have changbin come up behind him and wrap his arms around his waist and just stand there.

chan had never blushed so much in his life.

it had been a week.

a week since changbin told him and it was kind of like they were together but they weren't.

chan wakes up tangled in changbin's blankets with the clock shining 1pm.

he had fallen asleep at 4am on changbin after a boring day.

he stands and stretches, the cold air hitting his bare chest and legs.

he makes his way downstairs and shuffles to changbin on the couch who was still in his pajama pants and no shirt.

he sits on his lap and buries his face in his neck.

changbin wraps his arms around chan and smiles. "finally."

"sorry i'm tired." chan mumbles.

"can i have a kiss? i've been waiting all morning."

chan pecks his lips. "there," 

"that's not what i meant." 

"i have to pee." chan stands and disappears.

it was great. chan liked this but at the same time it almost hurt him more. they weren't together, changbin wasn't even sure what he wanted.

it's the best he can get though so he brushes his teeth and heads to the kitchen for a drink.

changbin appears behind him.

"let's not do this anymore." chan sighs. "i think this hurts me more than having nothing did so i think we should go back to nothing." 

changbin blinks. "oh."

"i'm sorry i know this was helping you i think.. i don't know if it was or not but.. i'm sorry i can't do this."

"i'm in love with you." changbin blurts. "it helped a lot and i love you. i'm sorry for everything i know you might not want this anymore but i want you chan. i want everything with you. and i know you might not care but i want you to know that i've loved you for years but i was blinded by my own stupidity. so i'm sorry. but i'll be here when you want me too."


	11. together

"no." 

"no?" changbins mouth opens and chan can see the tears.

"i don't think you actually love me."

"i can prove it. give me a chance i'll prove it." changbin stutters.

"i don't know.." chan whispers.

"please chan. i know what i want."

they stare for a minute before changbin cups his face and steps closer.

chan sighs and accepts the kiss, sinking into it.

"fine... one chance... the first time you mess up it's over." chan sighs against his lips.

changbin smiles. "yes! i won't disappoint." 

"you have to act like you would if i were a girl. just act normally." chan huffs. "i don't want it to be weird as your first boyfriend." 

chagbin pecks his lips. "of course. let's cuddle."

chan settles into his side on the couch and his heart beats fast.

he can't believe it was real.

changbins hands all over him and his lips on his own... it was like a dream.

chan sighs onto his lips and swings his leg to straddle his hips. they had been making out so long that his lips were swollen and red when they finally pull away for a breath for diving back in.

changbisn hands roam his back and hips and chans body trembles.

"are you okay?" changbins gasps. "why are you shaking?"

"i'm so- it's so unreal i'm so in love with you." chan sighs. 

changbin rubs his forehead on chans and squeezes his waist. "that's why you're shaking?"

chan nods. "yeah.."

changbin connects their lips again and chan lets out a shaky breath.

they do a lot of kissing that day.

by 6pm theyre out of breath, their mouths are dry, lips swollen and raw, and they both were developing issues so chan stumbles to the kitchen to find a drink.

changbin trails behind and watches as chan basically chugs a whole glass of water. "better?"

chan nods and gasps again. "i think that's the most my lungs have worked out since i was born. i can hardly breathe."

changbin laughs. "just wait till the sex." 

chan chokes on his second glass of water and spits it into the sink, coughing aggresively.

changbin chuckles. "you should know. you heard a lot of it."

chan gasps for air. "oh my god changbin."

"what?" changbin grins.

"i can't believe-"

"you don't have to wait if you don't want." changbin laughs.

"okay. lets go then."

changbin stares. "i was kidding- oh. you're serious? wow."

"i don't care really." chan shrugs. "not a big deal."

changbin gapes. "we just starte6s dating like 5 hours ago."

"how long did it take you to fuck yeonji? oh wait it was before you dated " chan raises an eyebrow.

changbins cheeks flush pink. "wow okay." 

"so?"

"let's just.. not rush it. let it happen naturally. yeah?" changbins voice is soft as he wraps his arms around chans waist.

chan nods. "alright."

"i love you."

chans heart pounds. "i love you too."


	12. happy happy

"chan! i'm home!"

but chan knew that and he was already barreling into the living room to attack his month long boyfriend into a hug.

changbin catches him with a laugh and chan smothers his face in kisses.

"hi baby," changbin smiles. "happy one month,"

chan grins wide. "i'm so happy!"

"i came home early baby. we can have dinner and watch movies and cuddle," changbin laughs and pecks his lips.

chan sighs happily. "i'm so excited." 

and that's exactly what they do. changbin cooks and chan hovers close by and hums.

they eat while holding hands and laughing with each other and it is the epitome of happiness.

changbin puts on some sappy movie and lays down on the couch and chan plops on top of him and nuzzles close.

"you're like a kitten. my little kitten."

chan blushes hard and hides his face with a whine. 

"oh did that fluster you? hmm?" changbin chuckles. "that's cute, hyung." 

"that's weird," chan groans. "don't call me hyung," 

changbin laughs hard. "alright kitten,"

"jeez," chan groans again.

the movie plays some sappy song and changbin takes the opportunity to kiss chan sweetly making him blush harder.

it was sweet and slow and chan pulls away and hides his face. "god how do you do that?"

"what?"

"make my legs all weak and my heart melt just by kissing me?"

"because i love you," 

chan sighs. "i love you so much. you're so amazing. i always had this image of you as this kind of fuck boy who didn't care about real feelings and now here you are. you go to work but when you leave in the morning you wake me up to give me a goodbye kiss. and when you come home we have dinner together and sit together. and we talk. we actually talk about our lives and feelings. and we work so well. so well, changbin. it's crazy. i thought this wouldn't work out at first and its only been a month but i'm so in love with you and i have no doubts. you're so fucking amazing and even through my fucked up family and how you're the only person i have, you make me so incredibly happy. you treat me like i'm the whole world. and i love you."

changbin stares at him as he rambles with a smile before kissing him softly again.

love.

just, the feeling of love surges through chan and he cries.

he sobs and it makes changbin worried.

"what's wrong?" 

"i'm so happy, changbin and i have never been so happy. my life was a long trail of fucked up. no friends in high school and bullied even though i was the nicest person. i only had you. and you were the most popular so i was always left out. my dad has raped me and abused me my whole life and even though i'm open and tell you i'm ready i'm really fucking not. i'm so not ready. every time we make out and you start getting more rough i freak out and i feel bad. you were used to sex every day and you haven't had anything and i'm sorry. i've had the worst time in my lifetime. i had depression for as long as i can remember and it's so fucking weird going so long without having a bad day. and it feels good too. and you make me so happy and i'm just so.... happy." 

changbin smiles. "i'm so happy too."

**Author's Note:**

> i write aus on twitter! check them out @junseobins


End file.
